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Today’s guest post was written by Amy May. Amy shares her adoption story in a way that captures the emotions experienced through adoption so well. This is a beautiful story that shares how God weaves our adoption story together better than we ever could on our own. Thank you Amy for sharing your heart in this post!
For as long as I remember I wanted to be a mom.
And in 1993 my oldest daughter was born, and then again in 1997 another daughter. We couldn’t have been happier. My doctor had asked us if we wanted more children and of course I did, but with such hard pregnancies I knew it would probably never happen again. Blessed with two healthy daughters I knew in my heart I was done having babies. I was never really content with that, but what else is there to do? I just believed if God wanted us to have another baby it would somehow happen. I stayed home with the girls until they both were in school fulltime, and then I decided to work outside the home. In various jobs that I was never really happy with. Knowing in my heart my real desire was to be a nurse. God again opened the doors for me to go back to school at the age of 38.
All this time still praying for another child.
Anyone who knew me knew how much I wanted another child. I believe God puts people in our path for a reason. And that’s exactly what happened. I was working at a hospital in a small town about 45mins from where I live, and one of my coworkers happened to say her daughter was pregnant and was going to give the baby up for adoption. My ears and heart defiantly perked up and God told me to listen. Of course I asked her all the usual questions, where, when, who, how. My mouth took over and I said I want this baby, please ask your daughter if she would let my husband and I adopt her baby. Not even talking to my husband first. I just felt this push from God to ask her. I went home that night and of course told my husband. His first words were “are you serious”? He thought I was joking. But I would never joke about that. We then got our children together, my husband also has a daughter from a previous marriage. She is 27. We sat down with all the girls and asked them what they thought. My oldest daughter Katlyn was not as excited as the other two girls. Lauren our 16 year old was so excited she was crying. And Sarah my step daughter who was 26 at the time was also excited. We explained to the girls we would not go forward with this unless we as a family were all on the same page.
The more we talked about adopting a baby the more it seemed comfortable, right, an answer to prayer.
All of us were on the same page, and ready to go forward. My husband and I then went on the search for an experienced adoption attorney. Everything just fell into place, home study, attorneys and finances. I believe God opened every door for us to do something we only dreamed of. We then met the birth mother and her family. When we met I felt an instant connection with her, even though she was only 18 years old. It was comfortable, like I had known her my whole life. At this time she was about 5mths along. I was still not believing this would all happen, so my guard was up. But then she asked me if we had the baby’s room done, and I remember thinking “This is real”!! After a few more meetings with her I knew that she was carrying my son. That’s when we started to prepare for our son to come home. I remember just praying to God that things would work out and I knew the whole time His hand was upon all of us. I would lay in bed at night just trying to wrap my mind around this. Why would God do this for us? Why does He love us so much to trust us to raise another one of His children? The love of God surpasses all understanding.
On July 29th I was about ready to leave work (I worked the night shift). That’s when she texted me and said she thought her water had broke. My nerves and heart just fell apart. As a nurse I knew it would be hours, maybe even days till we would meet our son. But, as a mother I felt every emotion known. Scared, excited, anxious, happy beyond measure. I remember one of my coworkers said to me, “Amy, this is it! You’re going to be a mommy again, pull it together”! I jumped up, got a wheelchair and met her outside. We went to the OB dept. where my friends were working and things started to happen. I called my husband as he was on his way to work and told him to come right away. He was like a new dad all over again, rushing around not knowing what to do. He then called our daughters and before long we were all there together waiting for our son, and the girls new baby brother. I was with the birth mother the whole time coaching her through contractions, encouraging her with breathing and holding her hand when she was scared to death. At about 4pm the doctor came in to check her and said she had not progressed and we would have to go to C-section. What a scary thing to hear if you’re a women especially an 18 year old girl who is alone. I encouraged her and held her hand telling her it would all be ok. I would be by her side the whole time. We then went to surgery, and the doctors had decided to use general anesthesia and she would be asleep the whole time. I remember standing at the side along with the other two nurses whom I am also friends with and my heart was pounding out of my chest, but then I heard and felt God at that moment. He gently whispered to me that I was about to meet my son and everything would be ok. I felt a gentle peace come over me like no other.
At 5:37 pm my son was born.
The best moment of my life. I remember when they pulled him out I couldn’t breathe, my eyes had filled up with more tears then I could wipe away. I have never seen anything so beautiful. Not to compare when my girls were born, but it was just so different. I was in pain, and in a fog that took away some of that happiness. This was something I have dreamed of, prayed for, wished for since I could remember, and now it was actually happening. I remember when we came out of surgery my husband and daughters were waiting with tears in their eyes and we all hugged and just sobbed together. It was one of those moments you never want to forget. We then all went to watch them clean him up and the moment we all had been waiting for, to hold him. The hospital let us have our very own room there and we as a family got to be together to meet this little precious soul. Holding my son for the first time was overwhelming to say the least. My husband and I just cried and cried, starring at this tiny little person. This day will remain in my memory forever. God blessed us with more than we ever could have imagined on this day.
I went to check on the birth mom after she came back from recovery. I told her how beautiful and perfect he was. I remember hugging her and just crying and crying. How can you thank someone for this gift?? There were no words. She denied wanting to hold him right away, and said we should be together. I was torn as to be with her or be with my baby. The love I had for this women was beyond anything I knew before. I wanted to support her and be there for her, but knew I was simply not the one to do it. Her mother was there and filled that place. It’s an unfamiliar thing for me to not help someone or do something for them. But, in this situation I could not fill her void. I was not the person to comfort her. We stayed in the hospital for 2 nights and went home on a Wed. I was overwhelmed to say the least, but overwhelmed with love, and happiness. Our family was complete. I remember feeling more content than I had ever felt in my entire life. When we left the hospital I told the birth mom goodbye and she held Jackson for the first and last time. She was strong, and told him what a good mommy and daddy he had. I was in awe of her strength, I just stood over her silently praying for her to have strength and courage. We gave her a special necklace we had made for her. My husband and I then hugged her and told her how much we loved her. We then left the hospital with our son. Our life has been blessed beyond measure. Jackson Carter May is the love of our lives. He is a perfect little blessing for all of us to love. Unfortunately, I have not kept in contact with the birth mom, she moved away and has not responded to any of my messages. I believe this is her way of going on with her life. I still pray for her and thank God for her every day.
Lastly, I am grateful. I am grateful that my son gets to know me as his mom. That I will be here to watch him grow. That I get to know him, love him, and soak up this joy every day of my life. We look into each other’s eyes and I can’t help but cry while saying the truest most grateful prayers to my Heavenly Father for this gift. And for all the moments I will have to look into my sons eyes.
Thank you has never seemed so inadequate.
Amy shares her Adoption Story – Guest Post at ADOPTION MAMA.