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Today’s guest post was written by Lisa, she blogs at The Amateur Nester where she inspires those who are struggling through infertility. If this is a road you are traveling I suggest you check out her blog as she has many helpful resources shared there.
The Emotional Effects of Infertility:
Most people understand that infertility is hard. They can empathize with the longing to have a child. But what most people don’t realize is that the longing is mixed with a constant flux of other emotions.
For me that’s the hardest part. Longing and unfulfilled dreams are a part of life. I’ve experienced them before infertility and I’ll likely experience them after. But the roller coaster of other emotions, the highs and the lows of each monthly cycle are what wear me down.
Hope
I’ve always liked the idea of fresh starts. So after my menstrual cycle finishes each month, I feel a surge of hope.
Maybe the new vitamins and supplements I’ve been taking will take effect.
Maybe our treatment or medication will work.
Maybe God will finally answer our prayers.
No matter how hard I try not to get my hopes up each month, hope always has a way of getting its foot in the door.
Anxiety
After ovulation day or treatment day passes, hope often gets overwhelmed by anxiety. This anxiety steadily increases until the day of the pregnancy test approximately two weeks later. For me, it takes the form of overwhelming worry. I worry about my cat, my husband, our finances, our homes plumbing and anything else that can go wrong. We live close enough to the ocean to hear the waves at night, during a recent two-week wait I found myself laying awake for several nights worrying about what we’d do if there was a tsunami.
Despair
Once the negative pregnancy test is confirmed, despair takes over. Some of the lowest moments of my life have been the minutes and hours after receiving negative pregnancy tests during our multiple IVF attempts. The profound sadness that occurs during the following few days are made worse by the withdrawal symptoms I experience after stopping the numerous fertility medications. Feelings of despair may not be as intense during a non-treatment (natural) cycle, but they’re still present. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t cry when I got my period.
Anger
Once the despair has subsided a bit, I inevitably experience anger. I’m irritable, prone to bitterness and jealousy and just plain grumpy. Anger is the most perplexing emotion I’ve experienced during my struggle to conceive. I rarely felt anger before infertility, and I’m still trying to learn how to express my anger in healthier ways.
Surviving the Roller Coaster
It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of support to survive the ups and downs. I’m blessed that I have a wonderful husband, a fantastic Christian counselor and amazing blog readers who help me on my journey. I encourage anyone going through infertility to seek out support. Don’t try to go through it alone.
The Emotional Effects of Infertility – Guest Post at ADOPTION MAMA.